The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
