there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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