Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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