Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
