How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
