I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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