What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
