capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
