Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
