i would punch a child for taco bell
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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