I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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