Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
