I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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