Plan B is the new Plan A
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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