and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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