I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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