So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
