You were right. It hurts to walk today.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
