I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
