take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
