Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
