2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
