I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
