We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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