Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
