Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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