im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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