my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
whose parrot is this?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize