This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
