Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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