I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
