you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
