the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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