You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
