I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
