I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
