i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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