I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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