This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
