Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
