i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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