tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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