I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Green mimosas i think yes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
