This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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