I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
