You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
