My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
