I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
