i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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