I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
