The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How does it feel to date your dad?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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