I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
