My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
