i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
