Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
