apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
