i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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