I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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