She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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