I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
