a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
