Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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