Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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