Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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