Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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