Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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