Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
